Anniversary

I had planned to blog to blog yesterday the real date of out anniversary, but just could not bring myself to it, instead I stayed busy, played games with children, cleaned like there was no tomorrow, and spent some time reflecting.  I hate that this day drags up difficult memories for me, I wish my husband had honored The Lord and his covenants, I wish many things but wishing does not do a thing.

I am grateful I married an imperfect man, I am grateful he is married to an imperfect wife, I am grateful we have imperfect children, I am grateful we all can not be perfect, I am grateful for mistakes, and I am learning to be grateful for the pain.  All this chaos of the last three years has drawn me so much more closer to my savior, he has shown me faults I do not like seeing, and shown me where I need to change (yes I am trying to work on these), he has shown me when I felt alone I was not, I am grateful that I am learning grace and forgiveness like The Savior has for us for me it took complete devastation to learn that you can love, forgive, show grace, be kind, and still serve your husband and children through your deepest pain.  As a side not please note I yelled, I screamed, I cursed, I sinned in my anger, and that is why I love that I have a Savior who in spite of all my ugliness still loves me!

So I close this post with this....my husband wants to renew our vows I am not ready for this step, trust takes a long time to earn back, I will revisit this at a later date!