Mothers

My mother was 55 yesterday. When I was 20 she seemed so old, I'm getting older and it now feels so young. Losing my mother on Mothers Day profoundly affected me. It was one last cruel joke in all that was being thrown at my marriage, it just felt like a double edged sword. I had a complete mental and physical breakdown. I could not function for two weeks, it just broke my heart. I still shut myself off completely on Mother's Day. I can not allow my heart to open, maybe someday soon I will. I function on auto pilot for my own children who want to honor me, it's still a very raw day for me. I want my children to feel my love on that day, not my sadness but I know they feel my sadness. In an effort to honor my mother I ask people to restore their relationships with their mothers, hug them, call them, send a letter, send some flowers just tell your mother you love her. I know she would love it. 

Mothers are so imperfect, we expect them to be perfect no matter what, they of course should have all the answers all the time, and never make a mistake. This is unfair to all mothers. I was unfair to hold my own mother to this standard and it caused her heartache, it has brought me heartache. A simple I forgive you would have been all we both needed. We never got that, we ran out of time. 

I would just like to close with this.... Love your perfectly imperfect mother. She loved you, she probably hurt or even failed you, she did the best she was able to. Don't allow bitterness and unforgiveness to divide you. The separation and anger isn't worth holding on to. Tomorrow is not a guarantee. Enjoy the moments now.